dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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