Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Randomize
