Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
