you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
