I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
