why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
