My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
