i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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