we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
