the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
