i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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