Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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