Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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