Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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