Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
