At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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