do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
