He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
