i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize