when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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