just come out here and I will go home with you...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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