A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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