What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
