dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
