I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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