Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she pinky promised me she was 18
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
