So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
