The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
