I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
