Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize