i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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