So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
