you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
