The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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