i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
