Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
