Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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