No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
