Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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