You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
