Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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