just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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