pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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