He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
