I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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