At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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