im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
