I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
