I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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