i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
