I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
