I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
