Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
