She's JV to your varsity
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
