the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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