well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
