I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
