Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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