Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
