I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
