I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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