If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
