There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
