his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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