I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
