somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
