problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
