The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
