i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
