party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
