I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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