So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
