i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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