My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize