She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up under a house in Key West
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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