You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ladies don't puke and tell
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
